Charis Corner: Stories of Grace in a Broken World
By Kari Mahara
Fear. Doubt.
Anxiety. Depression.
How often do
these affect Christians? How many followers of Christ walk with these every
single day? But do they have to?
Now, I’m not
talking about a medical condition.
I’m talking
about each day walking with these burdens clasped to your back or holding your
hand. Their icy whisper echoes through your mind and freezes your courage until
you’re trapped, paralyzed.
My crippling
defect is fear. It’s haunted me since I was a child. It went beyond fear of the
dark to nightmares and dark shadows I couldn’t dispel from my room. (Some have
suggested I am more aware of the spiritual realm) Whatever the reason, God used
this defect to draw me close to Him. My parents (especially my mom) taught me
how to speak to God and go to Him with my feelings, and as a result, I’ve
always felt God’s presence in my life.
And they can
also tell you how I told EVERYONE about God. Strangers. Neighbors. Friends at
school. I have enjoyed the Disciple-Making Series, because I can clearly see
how I used Invitational and Confrontational as a child and preteen.
But Satan is
never content to leave us alone. He seeks to devour us (1 Peter 5:8), so when I
reached a brand new high school with 1800 students, my enemy found new ways to
stoke my fear. My invitations and Christ-sharing was met with hostility at
times from cold, bitter teenagers. I was bullied and embarrassed for just being
me. People resented my refusal to adapt to their expectations and especially my
innocence and unconditional love and acceptance—they couldn’t understand it or
trust it. My own husband called me “fake.” (He later amended his thoughts) But
I also found other good Christian friends to walk alongside me and other
unchurched friends who were won over by my relationship and relentless
invitations. (One I invited 7 times to youth group before she finally agreed.)
I believe these
events shaped me into the woman I am now—Invitational and Relational. I’ll
invite them to anything. I’ll answer any question they have. I’ll love and
serve them. But I won’t confront them unless they ask me. As a result, I’ve
struggled with lots of guilt and doubt of my use to God. This series amended
that.
Now, I’m
pursuing a new type of evangelism. I’m on the Internet, building relationships
with all types of people all over the country (and even some internationally).
I’m writing secular novels with Godly concepts infused in them. And Satan
plagues me with doubt. I doubt my ability. I doubt whether anyone will ever
love my writing and want to represent my career. I doubt whether God will even
use my writing at all. I walk each day, doubt gripping my throat, guilt
weighing me down as I wrestle with balance of these online relationships,
parenting, housework, writing, and investing in my relationships here.
So now what? Is
there hope? Everyone knows the right answer, but not everyone BELIEVES it. So
what does that look like practically?
All I can share
is what God has taught me. Freedom requires surrender—giving God control of
everything with the understanding that THIS IS NOT OUR HOME, our money; even
our relationships are HIS. Next it’s faith. The biggest impact this had on me
was living one day at a time, trusting I have enough for today and that God
will take care of tomorrow. And last, investing in God’s power. Through
studying His word, through prayer, through worship, I immerse myself in God. I
stop looking at life for what I want or think I need but start looking at what
GOD is doing, how God wants me to use my money, my time. And in my
writing, I have learned to be content in today. I’m doing what I love, and I’m
letting God be everything else.
This process has taken me two years to work
through, the last of which God’s been working on me for the past 2-3 weeks.
Never stop growing and pushing closer. Close is never close enough.
There’s a song
God is using in my life right now. The main lyrics are these:
“I’m no longer a
slave to fear. I am a child of God.”
I hope these
verses comfort you:
Galatians 4:7: "So you are no longer a slave, but
God's child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir."
Romans 8:15: "The Spirit you received does not
make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you
received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba,
Father.'"
